Just a Place

where I can talk about how I feel, about what's going on in my mind. A place where I don't need to edit anything, to censor anything, where I can say what's on my mind without having to wonder who's listening and without feeling the need to hide.

Desires

Waiting, alone. Not quite knowing for what it is that you wait.
Fatigue overwhelming you till you can no longer even think of what it is that you want.

Checking. And then re-checking the lists in your mind. Looking for something without knowing what it is that you look for.

You only know that it'd make you feel better if you could find it.

There's nothing you can do though until you know what you want. You're sure it's there waiting for you. Not too far away. Not unreachable. But you're too tired even to identify what it might be.

Who are you?

Feeling degraded. Chipped away at. Bit by bit. Until you no longer know yourself.

Look into a mirror. And see a stranger standing there. Only, it isn't a stranger. It's you. But you can't relate to the person there. Who are you?

You feel as though you've lost yourself. And you don't know where to go to find yourself again.

Search. Explore.

Where did you lose yourself? When? How?

Where are you now? Who are you? You've changed, you know. Do you want to find the person that you were? Do you want to find out who you've become.

Lost.

You don't know where to look. And even if you did, you don't know if you'd want to see what's there.

What will you find? Who are you now?

Blaming Myself

From the floor
through swollen eyelids
I see you tower
over me.

I'm in so much pain
but I still find
a place in myself to pity you.

This isn't your fault. I
can see that. Or at least
that's how I feel.

I know that I'm wrong
though. This is your fault.
Yours. Yours alone.

I didn't ask for this.
I didn't do anything
to make you act like this.

Why? Why are you doing this?

I can't blame you although I
know you're to blame.

Good God! What have you done to me?

I feel as though I must
find a reason. Why? And I can't find it
in myself to
hold you accountable.

I must therefore
blame myself.